My writing skills were no longer a match for what the company goals required going forward.

A nice way to say we no longer need you.

But it wasn’t all bad. I made an ally in my old boss. She had found me on Twitter a year and a half before, and had always been one of my biggest cheerleaders. She offered to try to find another position in the company that fit my skills.

I am not holding out much hope that anything will be found. New management moved in and suddenly there was concern that the contractors were providing value for the money they spent.

My boss helped me understand that it wasn’t me, but a company going in a different direction. AI and all that. I had created great content, cataloged the entire blog, and refreshed much of their content to fit the audience and the AI bots better.

I did my job just as they asked, if not more.

But, I had seen the writing on the wall for some time. The whole time I worked there, I felt like it was too good to be true. I was making great money, working when and how I wanted, and had a relationship with my boss that was something I had never had before.

As long as I was getting the work done, they were happy.

But I was contract and therefore dispensable, and I knew it. I wish I had listened to those dark thoughts in the middle of the night and saved more money. I wish I had planned for this eventuality, but I didn’t.

I guess I hoped that I was wrong, and they would eventually see what an asset I was and hire me full-time. But that didn’t happen.

Now, I am 56, unemployable, and trying to come up with a way to support my family the way they have become accustomed to. I have to suddenly replace a huge income, and it seems like a huge hurdle.

Here I am in Tucson, my family still in the Philippines. I spent the last week applying for jobs I know will ghost me when they find out my age and my hourly rate.

I’m questioning everything.

What Do I Do?

My first week in Tucson was spent working on my resume and applying to jobs on LinkedIn. I’ve had some interest, but not enough considering I’ve sent out over 100 resumes.

This next week, I plan on focusing on freelancing, seeing if I can get some cash coming in. Bills will be due soon, and I can’t be caught with my pants down.

I also have two other things I want to work on: a service where I build old-school 90s web pages in HTML for clients wanting something retro and untouched by AI, and a local newsletter for Tucson I’ve been thinking about for some time.

I had a discussion with my son about what there is to do in Tucson and we both decided that people just don’t get out anymore since Covid, and I’d like to have a newsletter that highlights both the offline and online things there are to do around here.

I am never at a loss for ideas, but I often find myself getting negative and thinking that this is the end for me. My mental health has always been a concern for me, but I really have to watch it when big events like this happen out of nowhere.

After I got laid off in 2001, I spent years in and out of mental hospitals and I cannot go back to that life. I’ve spent so much time improving my life to the point where I have healthy coping skills and I can handle a blow to my ego like this.

My Philosophy

Shit happens.

I used to be very reactive and would allow myself to head down in the dumps at the smallest thing. I have a family, and responsibilities, and I don’t plan on allowing my brain to send me to a place where I cannot be helpful to anyone.

Life is a struggle. There are periods where things are good, and bills get paid and you have an enjoyable time. But then, often things turn to shit and you have to accept that just like everything else.

I’m proud that I am handling this stress so well. Yes, I’ve had my moments where I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. Thankfully I’m married to a fantastic woman who supports me and knows I need every positive influence I can get in my life.

Thankfully I have parents who are still here and will put me up here in Tucson while I figure things out. They have been a godsend and just as supportive as my family in the Philippines. Yes I miss my family, but if things go well they will finally be here in April and we can move our lives in the direction we want.

Life is difficult.

Life is a challenge.

If life were easy, we would be bored.

I look at this as an opportunity to improve, not a setback. What if this were my chance to upgrade my life? What if I was wasting my life in my last job and a new opportunity is just around the corner?

I have to keep thinking like this because the alternative is despair, and I can’t do that to myself or my family.

On a sidenote: if you know anyone who needs writing help or a website, or have a line on a job that might fit me, shoot me an email at jasonjamesweiland@gmail.com.

I better get to work.